Saving a Relationship at Risk

Relationships at risk are painful and challenging; particularly when they are with someone you love or have to work with every day. You may not know what's wrong and what to do about it, but you sure know that something is wrong due to the tension. Your imagination may run wild with assumptions and conclusions. You may create a position that you are "right' and the other person is "wrong." This approach to communications often morphs from a "relationship at risk" to a "failed relationship."

The problem may not be for the reasons you think. Relationship conflict often has more to do with "how" you communicate with one another than with "what" (subject matter). Understanding each other's point-of-view must come before deciding to agree, disagree or on a course-of-action. When you and other people transmit and receive communications on different wavelengths, misunderstanding and confusion may occur with any subject. Doesn't it make sense to understand how you and the important people in your life prefer to receive and process information? This understanding creates greater harmony in relationships even when you have different points-of-view.

Each brain has a primary sensory preference to receive information. Which of these are your strongest and weakest? What are the sensory preferences of the person with whom you are experiencing problems? Are their strengths the same or different than yours?

Kinesthetic ("body smart"): Prefer to move, touch and fidget, action is paramount

Visual ("picture smart"): Prefer to see and observe information, pictures, few words

Auditory ("word smart"): Prefer to hear information and ask questions to clarify meaning

Each individual's brain has a preference for how sensory information is presented. Which category can you relate to the most and least? Now do the same thing for the other person. Are their cognitive thinking strengths the same or different than yours?

Global ("big picture" smart): Prefer open ended situations with option and possibilities

Sequential ("logic smart"): Prefer logic, order, sequence, realism and practicality

Integrated (both "big picture" and "logic smart")

There are 1,000's of different sensory and cognitive thinking communication combinations. You can see why communication success varies. Few people have the knowledge and tools to communicate effectively based on brain wiring. Just look around you and observe how much time people spend in meetings arguing and driving home their points-of-view.

As a starting point, share this article with the other person and compare your sensory and cognitive thinking preferences. It doesn't matter if you are the same or different. What matters most is respecting each other's strengths and communicating on each other's "wavelength." This is the quick start solution to mend and grow your relationship. You'll see amazing results.

Stephen Hager is a life long learner, scientist, author, speaker and teacher. Along with Deanna Phelps, he is the creator of brain-based human development products. Their goal is to help individuals, families and organizations live better and more peaceful lives through the "power within." http://www.brainpathways.net is a neuroscience resource to learn how your brain is wired and how to use it for communication success and relationship risk management.

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