Get on the Same Page and Learn the Magic of Rapport

You know what it's like when you meet someone who you 'click' with? You feel at ease, relaxed and almost immediately you relate to them? You understand 'where they are coming from', and you are 'on the same page'.

Sometimes this feeling is spontaneous,it seems to just happen. I bet you also can think of times when you have had the opposite feeling? There may be people in your life that you really cannot seem to relate to in any way, shape or form. This feeling or lack of it, is called rapport.

How does rapport work?

You think using your senses. You may not realise it but when you think about something you are either seeing a picture, hearing a sound or feeling a feeling, depending your 'sensory preference, ie which of your senses you use the most.

Try it and see...Think about a cute fluffy little dog... Did you see a dog? Did you hear it bark? or did you get certain feeling about the dog?

You have 3 dominant senses, Visual (see), Auditory (hear)and Kinesthetic (feel). The other senses olfactory (smell) and gustatory(taste) are not usually sensory preferences.

In the general population it is estimated that 45% are visual, 15% auditory 40% kinesthetic.

How do you know which is your sensory preference?

One way to tell is to listen to the words you naturally use to describe your experience, ie, visual people tend to use 'visual words, ie 'I see what you mean' 'Its very clear to me'.

Someone with an auditory preference will use words like, 'I can hear that! or I'll give you a tinkle.... '

Kinesthetic people will use action or feeling words like 'I need to get a grip on this' or 'Let's touch base soon'.

By learning to integrate visual words when talking to a visual person and auditory words to someone who has an auditory preference you will deepen the communication with that person and so create rapport with them.

This is just one way that you can consciously create rapport with someone, which can be very important if you want to be able to communicate more effectively with that person.

So, by understanding that people think using their senses, it will allow you to 'get on the same page' as others when you are communicating with them, and so get into rapport with them.

Rapport is the basis of trust, and when you trust someone, you are more likely to be influenced by what they say and do. You feel you are 'like' the other person.

Rapport is often an unconscious thing where you 'feel' at ease with the other person, you relax and you feel in harmony with them.

Other ways to consciously build rapport can be for example, subtly matching body posture, language, voice tone, standard of dress. Imagine if you turned up to a professional business meeting in jeans and t shirt, I bet you would feel 'out of rapport' instantly!

Once you are in rapport with the other person you are more likely to 'clearly see their point of view,' and 'hear where they are coming from' and 'get in touch them!'

Julie Rowlands is a Associate Certified Coach with International Coach Federation, and certified NLP Practitioner.

Julie is the creator of 'From Survive to Thrive with an Empty Nest.' The online coaching programme designed specifically to help you redesign your life and rediscover 'you', after your kids have flown the nest!

Visit http://www.fastforwardcoach.com/OnlineCoaching and get a No Obligation- 7 day Free Trial when you sign up for the programme.

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NLP - Matching and Mirroring in Rapport Building

Matching and mirroring what someone is doing or the style of language a person uses is a very powerful but subtle way to build rapport.

Remember, that when NLP is used with integrity, any of the techniques or skills is based on a positive final outcome.

There is no manipulation, nor is there ever a self-interest motive.

When discussing matching and mirroring the person with whom you are communicating, you are aiming at creating a deep, unconscious rapport with that person for a win-win situation unencumbered by self-interest.

You may match and mirror another person's

o body posture

o head tilt

o gestures

o speaking volume

o speaking speed

o or any other individual way of communicating the person has

This is merely to show empathy; it is a form of respect and acknowledgment of that person's style of communicating.

It is an indication that you care enough about that person to communicate in what is acceptable and comfortable to her or him.

Initially, this type of rapport is done consciously, as is anything that is in the learning process.

If you match and mirror with the wrong intent, the other person will quickly see what you are doing, and then there is no chance of building a rapport.

But if you match and mirror with the pure intent of wanting to make the other person feel comfortable, that is exactly what will happen.

You will both get on as though you have been old friends, and the communication will be seamless.

Matching is doing something the other person is doing, but in reverse image, that is if a person puts up their right hand, you put up your right hand.

Mirroring is being the mirror image of the other person, for example, if the other person raises her or his right hand, you mirror by raising your left hand.

Matching is more subtle, but mirroring can create a deeper unconscious level of rapport.

There is also the opportunity to cross-over mirror, such as combining two or more methods of mirroring at one time, that is altering your breathing rate while tapping your fingers on the table at the same time - just as the other person is doing.

So what can you match and mirror?

The other person's

1. Physiology

o Their posture, such as the crossing of the legs, leaning forwards, backwards or sideways

o Facial expressions, including blinking, laughing

o Gestures, such as arm movements, finger tapping, exasperation, surprise

o Rate of breathing, slowing it down or getting slightly faster

2. Voice Tonality

o Varying the pitch, speed, quality or loudness of your voice

3. The words used

o Usage of key words

o Usage of key phrases

o Favoured sayings or expressions

o Common experiences that you both may have had

o Common associations that you can relate to

o How you chunk information, whether in small chunks or larger ones

This may seem to be a very complex way of building rapport, however just focusing on one at a time, again will bring success.

As with everything, the subconscious mind is a very willing learner, all you have to do is to program it about what you want it to do for you, and it will remember.

The conscious mind simply has to set the wheels in motion, and the subconscious mind will get the message of what it has to do.

But this will only happen if you have done it to the point where both minds are in congruence with your intention.

That is done through practice, practice and, you guessed it, more practice.

Have fun. It is worth it.

Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in disciplines within Personal Development and People Skills for Business Professionals, such as Time Management, Negotiation Skills, Developing High-Performance Teams, Assertion Skills, Building International Rapport, Conflict Management and Resolution, Presentation and Platform Skills.

Her studies in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Psychology have lead to her researching brain disorders such as AD-HD and its relations.

She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Corporate Organizations, Sporting groups and Tertiary Educational Institutions in Australia.

Her professional experience covers over 30 years of study, research, one-on-one coaching, group coaching, presentations and workshops. Her clientele includes children as well as adults.

Gloria Hamilten has authored the eBook: "Successful Self-Hypnosis" and many Reports and online articles.

Her websites provide a wealth of informative articles and resources on everything within these genres.

Visit her websites:

[http://www.connect4results.com]

http://neuro-linguistic-pro-site.com

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