Understand And Improve Your Child's Most Difficult Behavior

Anyone dealing with children has fallen into the trap of labeling children and placing them in roles. Somehow it gives us a sense of control over children: to have them figured out. "She is the stubborn one," "he is so bossy," "that one is so slow," "forget about him he will always be disorganized." The fact is everyone has positive and negative traits. If we only focus on the negative, even in a joking way, we reinforce the negative behavior and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a child is "stubborn," and she is told that she is stubborn, the more stubborn she will act

For instance, there are many people who were called "irresponsible" growing up. This was reinforced in their actions and they begin to internalize this view of themselves. The more they were called irresponsible, the more irresponsible they acted. They became their label.
Understanding children's behavior and learning ways to improve their behavior are vital in effective parenting.

As a trained speech pathologist I know that the fidgety child is a child who may have sensory integration issues or even ADHD. This knowledge makes me shy away from calling them wild, impossible, or troublemaker. I counsel parents in these matters. Other examples include:
A child who is not following directions may have auditory processing issues.
A child who will not throw a ball to you is not being oppositional; he simply has poor gross motor skills.
A child who bursts into tears when you hand her a worksheet is not a crybaby but overwhelmed with frustration at the thought of completing it.

Parents need to be taught these concepts and the perils of placing children in negative roles. Parents can also use two skills to help children improve their behavior:
1. Look for opportunities to give a child a new picture of himself:
IMPULSIVE:
"You waited until after you finished eating dinner and asked before taking a snack."
POOR SHARER:
"You let Lexi go first; you waited until she was finished and then went on the swings."
SLOW MOVING:
"You came to your bedroom right when I called."

2. Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently:
GREEDY:

"Michael, you know how to give out the cookies to your siblings fairly. Make sure everyone gets one."

IRRESPONSIBLE: "Can you take this very important note to your teacher for me?"

SHY: "Tara, could you introduce Linda to your friends at school today?"

For more information and great parenting tips visit http://www.parentingsimply.com. While you are there sign up for one of our workshops.

Adina Soclof, a certified Speech Pathologist, received her masters degree from Hunter College in New York in Communication Sciences. Adina developed TEAM Communication Ventures and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. You can visit her website at http://www.ParentingSimply.com. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio.

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